National Stepfamily Day falls on September 16 annually in the United States. This day celebrates blended families – a couple coming together with their children from previous relationships to form new bonds.  While everyone may have the best intentions, the beginning may be a little rocky. Here are some expert tips to help ease the way.

Negotiate parenting styles before you say I do: Kids will take advantage of inconsistencies and become resentful if both parents aren’t playing from the same songbook. Figure out how all the children will be treated, what boundaries will be set, and stick to the agreement for a much smoother transition.

Keep your expectations reasonable: Take things easy with your partner’s children. Don’t expect them to love you immediately. Respect them and insist on being respected. Talk to them, not at them. Do fun things together, but also make yourself a part of their daily activities. Invest your time and be patient.

Don’t jump the gun: Children crave stability, safety, and security. Sudden alterations like their parent jumping straight into a new marriage with a new spouse and new siblings., can cause anxiety and/or behavioral problems Letting the two families get to know each other first before tying the knot gives the best chance of success.

Every child adjusts to a blended family at their own pace: Don’t get frustrated. Kids need to proceed toward acceptance at a speed they’re comfortable with. Adolescents may have more difficulty accepting a changed household than a toddler. Don’t push, but don’t walk away either. Continue to communicate and show your affection.

Show no favoritism: Giving one child preference over another in a blended family is a recipe for disaster.

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