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Need Verse Help Please (Read 6673 times)
Sherry_205423
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Need Verse Help Please
Nov 13th, 2012, 12:08pm
 
Hi everyone - Ok, I created the four lines below. I don't really like the second line. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
 
If wishes could bring you home to me,
I'd be smiling for all to see.
I miss you more than words can say,  
I'm counting the minutes every day.
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Tracie_152843
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #1 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:19pm
 
Quote from Sherry_205423 on Nov 13th, 2012, 12:08pm:
Hi everyone - Ok, I created the four lines below. I don't really like the second line. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

If wishes could bring you home to me,
I'd be smiling for all to see.
I miss you more than words can say,
I'm counting the minutes every day.

 
I love it.
What about, "I'd wear a smile for all to see." ?
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Mary__137064
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #2 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:20pm
 
I'd be smiling happily
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Sherry_205423
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #3 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:23pm
 
Thank you, Tracie and Mary. Now to decide. Smiley
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Cathy_183701
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #4 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:25pm
 
I like your verse, Sherrie, and the other verse
 
how about, "our memories, they hold the key,
What exactly is the title of your card, that might also help?
 
Good Luck Sherrie and welcome to GCU,  a great place to be!!!
 
Cathy artfromtheheart
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Jeff_135713
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #5 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:26pm
 
I'd wish that wish endlessly
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Sherry_205423
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #6 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:30pm
 
The card is a military I miss you. I'd show you if I knew how, but it's not approved yet.
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Cathy_183701
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #7 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:39pm
 
Hi Sherry,  
That really helped what you said about the military,
i have another added line
you'd be in my arms for all to see, (you could also add "loving arms", if you wanted)
 
Wow the creative juice's are really flowing now,
 
Take care Sherry, i love all of the lines, good luck.
 
Cathy artfromtheheart
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Pamela_135500
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #8 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:41pm
 
Jeff Shocked Shocked Shocked Grin
 
Welcome to you Sherry Smiley
 
How about "My wishes would stretch from sea to sea"
 
Pamela Smiley
 
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Alda_133805
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #9 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:52pm
 
Hi Sherry,
One more suggestion: I'd keep on wishing endlessly.
 
I don't know that it's as good as the others,  but I just had to say I love your sentiment and I love the suggestions offerred by the other artists. Best wishes with your card!  
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janet_189076
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #10 - Nov 13th, 2012, 12:54pm
 
You'd be siiting here with me Cheesy
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Sherry_205423
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #11 - Nov 13th, 2012, 1:09pm
 
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the help. Wow!! You all are good. Smiley
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Alda_133805
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #12 - Nov 13th, 2012, 1:11pm
 
Let us know when the card is ready to view.  Wink
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Cathy_183701
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #13 - Nov 13th, 2012, 1:11pm
 
Hi again Sherry,
 
I've been reading the verse, and i'm looking at the word wishes,
I thought of another 2 line's  
Id blink my eye's and there you'd be,
or I'd click my heals and there you'd be
 
Lots of choice's now, all good one's, by the way I love your military card in your store.
 
chow for now
 
Cathy artfromtheheart
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cheryl_133782
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Re: Need Verse Help Please
Reply #14 - Nov 13th, 2012, 1:18pm
 
I'd have " I'd be smiling for all the world to see" I almost read that when I first read your verse.  
 
Cheryl
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