Rhode Island and Minnesota have now joined other states in legalizing same-sex marriage, and the number of gay/lesbian couples tying the knot has increased. Like any other wedding, the guest list and other points can become contentious. Here are the answers to some commonly asked questions about marriage etiquette.

We’re inviting our friends, but do we also have to invite their children? Plainly state on the invitation that the ceremony and/or reception is adults only. Be polite, but stay firm. Requesting an RSVP is common sense, and also gives you the opportunity to contact a guest who didn’t quite get the message and clarify your wishes.

What about relatives who don’t support our commitment? This will depend on whether you – as a couple – think reconciliation is possible or even desirable. You are under no obligation to invite anyone except those you choose to attend. However, if you want to extend a hand, a wedding is an excellent opportunity to demonstrate your love and respect for one another.

How do we deal with well meaning but unwanted advice? Stay polite. Smile and say, “Thank you, that’s a great idea. We’ll certainly take it on board.” As long as you and your partner are in agreement and stick together, you’ll have the perfect wedding for you, not anyone else.

What about guests who have to travel from out of state or out of the country – who pays? It’s generally accepted that guests pay for travel costs, hosts pay for accommodations.

How do we avoid hurting anyone’s feelings when it comes to choosing the bridal/grooms parties? When it comes to the big day, you need people beside you who’ll offer the best support and assistance. Think carefully and make you decision according to how you feel, not out of obligation. Other “special” responsibilities can be assigned to relations/friends you don’t invite to be your bridesmaids or groomsmen.

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